So, This is Christmas
by Gina Callen
Summary: One shot, Callen's first Christmas with his father, a misunderstanding and a revelation.


**So, this is Christmas….**

He sighed as he looked over at the family, enjoying their day.

The old man smiling indulgently at his daughter and the young boy eagerly opening the gifts that had been left under the tree the night before.

Shaking his head sadly, he turned to walk away, annoyed that a small tear of anger and frustration had escaped him. After all, why had he expected this year to be any different to the last 41 years he could remember? He was sure the first five had been great, but the other 41…? Well, they had certainly not been so hot when it came to family celebrations, or even family for that matter.

He had, a few days earlier, held a ball of rolled up lights in his hand; a gift to remind him to start his own traditions, so he had taken the plunge; after all Anna was there and he would invite her over to dinner.

He could cook for his father.

He had smiled at the small warm feeling that had washed over him at the thought, he ha be able to pick up a turkey from somewhere, and he knew from the meals he had with Sam's family what basically went with it and most food had cooking instructions, so he could not really go wrong.

He laughed sourly as he walked back to his car and got in. _Couldn't go wrong?_

He knew there was a reason he never did Christmas and this was it. He had learned long ago not to set himself up for a fall, but this year, he had let his guard down.

* * *

Garrison had been spending a few more days in Santa Barbara, not too far from him, but far enough to keep him safe from whomever was stalking the team. He had called him randomly every few days to make sure he was ok and was not being followed.

Garrison had assured him that he was fine and not to worry.

So, Callen had not worried, he had just set about making his plans, knowing that Garrison was alone in town and this would be their first Christmas together.

Anna had said she _might_ come for dinner as well when she had seen him at the Christmas party in the mission.

He had hoped that afterwards, he would be able to walk with her, maybe talk about what the next step between them would be. After all, he knew who he was now and he knew his family, maybe it was time to put down some roots of his own and he hoped that she would be the one to help him with that plan.

What he had forgotten, was that life happens when you are making other plans.

He got up early Christmas morning; he knew that Garrison would not be up for a few more hours and he wanted to get a start on his first home cooked Christmas dinner.

He sat at the table, cook book in hand and made sure he had everything he needed. Slowly, over the course of a few hours, he prepped the food and finally had it all cooking.

By midday, his house smelled amazing.

He took the linens he had borrowed from Hetty and set the table, it was not quite the same as the picture in the book, but it was pretty damn close and he had to admit he was impressed with his efforts.

By one thirty, he turned the heat in the food down and looked at his phone; no missed calls. He shrugged and turned a few items off, covering them to prevent them from spoiling.

By 2pm, he took his phone out and called Anna.

"Hey… it's me… Merry Christmas." He said as she answered.

"Merry Christmas Callen," Anna replied. "Are you having a good day?"

Callen could hear the sounds of glasses clinking and the laughter of Arkady in the background.

"Did you go to Arkady's then?" he asked.

"He came to see me last night, we talked." She admitted. "I agreed to try again, give him another chance. How is dinner with your father?"

"It's fine." He lied. "I have to go; we are about to eat."

Anna smiled at the other end of the phone, "We are still on for tomorrow right?"

"Tomorrow?" Callen asked, confused.

"You asked me to dinner over Christmas, I assumed as you are spending today with your family; we would be getting together on Boxing day." She told him.

"Sure!" Callen was relieved; she had not stood him up, it was just a mistake, "Of course, you have a great day and I will see you tomorrow."

Arkady laughed in the background and Anna shushed him, "I will see you tomorrow Grisha." she said, her voice soothing him as she talked.

"Ok… bye." Callen cut the call. Anna had a valid excuse, but his father? They had talked only a few days ago about him coming to Christmas dinner with his son.

Worried that something might have happened to him, he got in his car and drove to the motel in Santa Barbara that he had placed his father in.

As he got close to the motel, he saw his father's rental car pull out.

He felt silly; his father was only running late. He slowed down and then noticed that the blinker on the car was set for his car to go in the opposite direction of his house.

His gut clenched! Was there something wrong, he knew nothing about?

Keeping a discreet distance between himself and his father's rental car, he followed, looking for another car tailing them, but if there was one, he was good as Callen could not see a thing.

He pulled in a few car lengths behind as Garrison's car parked up.

He checked the glove box to make sure he had his weapon just in case, and he watched as with a bag in his hand, Garrison walked towards a house. Callen let the window down, to see if he could hear anything that would help him understand what was happening.

* * *

The door opened, and a blond headed boy ran down the path and wrapped his arms around Garrison's legs.

" _ **Grandpa!**_ " the boy squealed with delight, "Santa came… come and see!" he grabbed the older man's hand and pulled him towards the door.

" _ **Nicky!**_ You know not to leave the house without my permission!" An annoyed voice came from inside the house.

Alex, Callen's younger sister, stood on the doorstep, wiping her hands on a towel looking a bit frazzled as she had rushed to contain her son.

The boy looked a bit downcast, but smiled at his mother, "Sorry Mom." He smirked and Callen saw a glint of the familiar in it as his mother ruffled his hair and sent him inside the house.

"Alex." Garrison smiled as he wrapped her in his arms and pressed a kiss to her head.

A feeling Callen did not like lodged in his chest.

"Dad, I'm so glad you could make it." Alex said as he ushered her son and his Grandfather inside.

"I had nowhere else I wanted to be." He admitted as he entered closing the door.

' _Nowhere else he wanted to be?'_ Callen blinked back the tears and placed his palm on his chest. He had been abandoned again, his own father had not wanted to be with him?

He watched for a few moments as his father and sister talked at the window and his nephew showed him his new toys.

He wondered what he had done wrong, had it been when he had not immediately trusted his father when he had seen him again in that hospital waiting room? Maybe his actions that day had caused his father to appease and tolerate him, but he did not want to spend any real time with his son.

For a second, a frown crossed Garrison's face and Callen moved back as if he had been slapped. Had he seen him? Had he known he was there?

Feeling like he was intruding and worried he would be caught watching, he had moved quickly to his car and drove home.

He had tried, he had done everything Sam had told him to do to make a perfect family Christmas. Trouble was it could never work if your family did not want to be with you.

He should have seen it coming, he admonished himself. After all, Garrison had never come to America to see his son or build bridges, he had in actual fact come for his ex girlfriend and his daughter. Not him.

But a part of him had hoped, hoped that his father would want to spend time with him, at least one Christmas in his memory. He had wanted to make his father proud of him.

He turned his phone off and stashed it in the glove compartment, there was no way he was going to lie to Sam when he called, and knowing Sam he would call to ask him how his first family Christmas was going. Nope, better to avoid the subject altogether and let Sam enjoy his day with his family.

* * *

He pulled up, walked back into his house and looked at the food all lovingly prepared on the counter. He wanted to throw it away, but years of being hungry and homeless would not allow him to do that.

He quickly packed all the food and headed for a spot, not far from the beach where he himself had hung out as a kid while avoiding the dreaded holiday season. Sure enough, there was a small group of kids, under the pier with a small makeshift fire, keeping themselves warm as the offshore breeze blew around them.

"We're gonna put it out!" One boy glared at him as he walked up.

"Not my problem, you should put more wood on it though; it won't last too long and it'll be colder later." He advised.

"You CPS?" another kid asked.

Callen shook his head, "Just thought you guys could use this." He opened the box he had and handed them a blanket to sit on. "It's not much, but you guys could use it."

The kids' eyes lit up guardedly at the food. "Why you giving this to us?"

A girl asked, "What do we gotta do for it?"

Callen shook his head, "Keep it, eat it and pack the trash in the garbage when ya done." He stood up to walk away.

"Hey mister?" The smallest kid in the group looked over at him, "Are you Santa?" he asked.

The older kids laughed, "Don't be stupid Mike, Santa don't exist for the likes of us." He scoffed.

Callen turned and looked at the boy, he was a lot like his nephew, about the same age and full of hope.

"No Mike, I'm not Santa." Callen replied with a smile. "Just someone who used to be where you are now. Someone who knows what it's like to be alone."

Mike grinned, "I ain't alone; I got these guys."

Callen smiled in spite of himself. He took a card out of his pocket and handed it to the kid, "You need anything, you call me ok?"

The kids nodded, but in his heart he knew they would never call; after all, he was an adult.

He walked away feeling a little better about himself and headed back to his car.

* * *

Garrison stood in Alex's house as he took in all the decorations.

"You forgot didn't you?" She smiled.

Garrison shook his head, frowning, "No… Christmas is in January, it is always in January, I am going to your brother's for dinner, that is why I agreed to come to see you today."

"You arranged to see Grisha on Christmas day?" Alex looked worried too. "Dad, _today_ is Christmas day."

"But I have always celebrated in January, on the 7th since I was a boy." Garrison looked confused.

Alex smiled at him, "My mother used to get it confused too." she told him.

"In Russia it is always celebrated on January 7th. I didn't realize it was today, this is my first Christmas in the West." Garrison explained.

Alex looked worried, "You should call him, tell him what's happened and invite him to join us. It's about time he met his nephew properly." Alex said, handing him her phone. "Call him." She prompted again.

She herself had only met her brother twice, the day her mother had died and the day of her funeral. It had been the worst and the best year of her life, she had lost her mother but gained a father and brother. Although her father had taken great pains to become the man she needed in her life, her brother had backed off entirely.

She was unsure why, but her father had told her some of what he knew about his son's childhood and although she pressed for him to put them both in contact, Grisha had always been too busy to meet her properly.

Garrison looked concerned as Callen's phone went to voicemail.

"He is not answering." He took a piece of paper from his pocket, "Maybe he is with Sam. After all, he would know that I meant January not today wouldn't he?"

"Was he raised in Russia with you and your wife?" Alex asked.

Garrison shook his head, "No, Clara was not my wife. Grisha was raised here."

Alex sighed, "Then Dad, there is a good chance that he thought you were coming today. Nicky!" she called to her son, "Grab your coat, we are going out for a while." She walked to the stove and turned it all off, grabbing her keys from the counter, she turned back to her father, "Come on, let's go get my brother."

* * *

Pulling up to the house, Alex noted that unlike the other houses in the neighborhood, this one was not only not lit up and decorated, but it looked bare.

"Wait there." She said to her son as she stepped out and walked up to the door. She knocked and waited, but there was no reply and no sounds of movement inside.

She looked in the window and saw a table set for a meal, but no food nor any sign that anyone had eaten at the table.

"Damn." She cursed.

Garrison pulled his phone out and dialed another number.

"Hello?" A guarded voice answered as he replied to the unfamiliar number.

"Sam Hanna, it is Garrison." Garrison told him.

"Hey!" Sam sounded genuinely pleased to hear from him. "How's Christmas with G going?"

"We have a problem." Garrison admitted.

Sam stopped, causing Michelle to look over at him worriedly. "What's wrong, is G ok?"

"I made a mistake, I didn't realize that you all celebrated Christmas today, I thought I had a week left. I went to my daughter's home today."

"Did you explain it to G? What happened?" Sam asked.

"I tried calling him, he did not answer so we drove over here, to his house. It is empty, do you know where he would have gone?" Garrison asked.

"I…" Sam tried to think, where would G go?

"Please I need him to know, I am not abandoning him again." Garrison pleaded. "Unless he forgot or did not want me to be here today, however, Alexandra is concerned and tells me we need to see him and talk to him.

"There is a hida-key in the pot by the door, let yourself in." Sam told him agreeing with Alexandra's concerns. "And wait there. I'll bring him home."

Garrison told Alex what Sam had said, "You both stay here I will head home for a few things and come back." She said as she looked around the minimalist house.

* * *

Callen pulled up outside another house, a place where he had always felt safe. It looked empty, this year it was. Knowing that Callen had his other family around, Hetty had decided this year, to treat herself to a cruise for Christmas.

The house, for the first time in a long time looked cold and uninviting as if he was not wanted there either. He turned the feeling of being abandoned settling uneasily, but familiarly, in his gut and he climbed back into his car, heading to the one other place he knew he could rest.

He pulled up outside the Mission, he still had a key to the building a throwback from the days before he had, with the help and insistence of Hetty, purchased the house he now owned. He walked over to Hetty's office and headed to where she kept her drink. Pouring himself a large scotch, he took a sip.

"I don't get it," he said to the empty room. "What did I do wrong? I thought we were trying, I thought he cared?"

He took a larger sip, thinking that in an hour or so maybe he could do his paperwork like he used to on Christmas day, before family had come into his life, back when everything was so much easier.

"I shouldn't have bothered. He didn't want me, I know that now and he has his new family, he doesn't need me."

He decided that maybe if he drank enough, he could box this up with all the other disappointing moments in his life and pretend, like those others that it did not bother him. Or maybe he could have one drink, catch up on his paperwork and allow the familiar surroundings of the bullpen to help him rebuild his defenses.

"I shouldn't have let my guard down." He admonished himself angrily.

"Pity party?" Sam asked as he leaned against the doorframe.

"Go home Sam." Callen snapped.

"Can't…" Sam took the glass from Callen's hand and placed it on Hetty's desk. "Got a call, from Garrison."

Callen let out a snort of derision, "He tell you what a wonderful day he's having with his daughter and grandson?"

Sam looked at his partner askew, was that jealousy? "So you got a reason why you aren't there with them?" he asked.

Callen shook his head, "Wasn't invited." He stood up, brushing his hands on his pants, "Anyway, I got paperwork to do, go home to your family Sam." he growled and strode off in the direction of his desk.

"I can't." Sam said, leaning against the post and noting the dejection in his partner's shoulders that he was trying to hide.

Callen turned a look of worry instantly crossing his face. "Has something happened to Michelle or the kids?" He asked.

Sam shook his head, "They are fine, having a great time, my brother, however, he saw something and jumped to a conclusion and is now having a really bad Christmas."

"You don't have a brother Sam." Callen chided him and turned back to his paperwork, hiding the relief that Sam's family were safe.

"Really? I am pretty sure we have been family for over 5 years now and _you_ are my brother." Sam walked over to Callen, who had just sat at his desk and lifted the lid on the laptop, and closed the lid.

"Sam…" Callen growled in warning, "I'm not in the mood; I have paperwork to do."

"You have a family that is worried about you." Sam told him, refusing to back down.

"No… I don't." Callen could not meet his partner's eyes.

"I'm worried about you and I'm here because Garrison was worried about you."

Callen laughed, "He didn't look worried about me." He moved back and looked up at Sam, who saw the raw pain in his eyes. "He went to Alex's house for Christmas dinner, I mean I can see the appeal, she's not been hurt by him and she is the mother of his only grandchild. It wouldn't have been so bad if he had just told me he didn't want to spend the day with me instead of telling me he did. I cooked for hours Sam, I did everything I could to make him feel proud of me. I wanted to have Christmas with my father for once and again, something else is more important than me…" Callen trailed off with a sigh as he got mad with himself. "I'm sorry Sam, I sound like a petulant child."

Sam sat on the corner of the desk. "How many Christmases have you had with your father?" he asked solemnly.

"None as far as I know, maybe he was around when Amy was small for her, but I don't remember having any with my family." Callen admitted. "Maybe it's me, maybe he just never wanted a son. Either way it doesn't matter. He's made his feelings clear and I'm not going to waste my time. I've been forty one years without any blood relatives and I was doing fine, I don't need them now." he snapped and opened the lid to his laptop again.

Again Sam closed it and Callen glared at him.

"Go home Sam, be with your wife and kids. Don't ignore them, not today." he all but begged.

"Sure, grab ya bag, I'll drop you off." Sam replied.

"My bag?" Callen asked, confused, there was no way he was going to Sam's allowing his foul mood to spoil Christmas for Sam's family.

"You've been drinking, it may have only been one glass, but Hetty would rip me a new one if she knew I had let you drive home after, besides I promised to drop you off."

"Drop me off where?" Callen asked as he stood, he was not in the mood to argue with Sam anymore.

"You'll see. Come on." Sam grabbed Callen's bag and walked out of the mission trying to hide a smirk at the resigned annoyance on his partner's face as he followed.

* * *

The Challenger pulled up outside Callen's house just as the sun was starting to set. There were lights on inside and Callen could see Garrison pacing by the window.

"You let them in?" Callen asked incredulously.

"What your super alarm system on your phone didn't tell you that?" Sam smirked feigning innocence.

"Phone's in the car," Callen admitted. "Car's at the mission."

"Come on G." Sam got out of the car and walked towards Callen's house. "I got things to do, move it." He barked in the same tone he would use on his kids if they were misbehaving.

Callen climbed out and walked into his house. It was his house and no matter what came next they were not going to kick him out of it.

Sam watched as his partner mentally braced himself for what was to come and silently cursed all the people throughout Callen's life that had made him feel he had to do this.

* * *

"Grisha…" Garrison turned as his son walked in.

Callen nodded, however, he walked past him into his kitchen to grab a bottle of water and stopped at what he was seeing.

Alex stood at his stove and it was brimming with food.

"I didn't think you were going to make it." She said turning to her brother.

"I live here Alex, I had to come back at some point." Callen was not pleased at the coldness in his tone, but he was not sure what to make of her yet.

"Don't judge him too harshly Grisha; he made a mistake."

"Yeah, I know… me." Callen snapped and walked over to his refrigerator and took out the bottle of water downing half of it in one gulp.

Alex shot a glance of worry at her father and nodded her head for him to move away.

"You are not a mistake. You are my brother and I am proud to have you as my brother." She told him.

Callen looked away as a warm feeling spread through him.

"Dad was confused; in Russia it isn't Christmas, till…"

"January 7th, I know." Callen finished for her, "But…"

"But you invited him for today, didn't you?" Alex asked her brother.

Callen nodded, "He didn't tell you?"

Alex shook her head, "I invited him to dinner today; I never mentioned Christmas as I thought he knew. I wanted to invite you as well, but you haven't contacted me since my mother's funeral."

Callen leaned against the counter, "I thought it best, safer for you that way. Alex, my job is dangerous, you… your son… could be hurt. Other people in my life… they've been hurt… died… I couldn't…"

"They are not me. I am your sister, I am family." She moved closer to him, "People need family, I have lost my mother but I gained you and our father. We are family Grisha."

Callen took a step back involuntarily.

"I don't know how your life was before we met. Dad says that your life was hard, but I hope that now we have met it will get better." Alex pushed gently, not taking her eyes off of him, watching as he panicked for a moment and tried to douse the flicker of hope inside of him.

"I know your job is dangerous, that's how we met remember," She smiled gently at him. "I'm still here Grisha and I want to be a part of your life, I want my son to know his uncle."

Callen smiled at her, "Thank you." He simply replied at a loss for what else to say.

"I took out your trash." She said changing the subject, "It looked like you had gone to a lot of trouble with the food for your dinner with your father, but we couldn't find any. I hope it wasn't wasted?"

Giving a shy smile, Callen shook his head at his sister, "It wasn't wasted." He told her, "But where did all this come from?"

"My house." Alex replied, "I brought it all over here so we could eat together, I still have a while… go talk to him Grisha; it was a mistake. Let him explain." She pleaded.

He could not argue with her and walked into the main room, looking at Garrison who had been reading to his grandson, who was now dozing lightly on the couch.

"You got a minute?" Callen asked his father softly so as not to wake the boy.

Garrison closed the book. Callen noted that it was A Christmas Carol, very apt for the day he thought as he watched his father gently move his nephew and slip off the couch.

Callen headed out to the back yard, Alex shooting him a small smile of support as he passed her.

* * *

"I made a mistake Grisha." Garrison said as he stood beside his son watching as the twilight cast shadows over the yard.

Callen glanced up as a star started to shine in the deepening darkness overhead.

"When…?" Callen wanted to ask if he meant coming back to America or allowing himself to try to reconnect with his son. "When you offered to stick around? Or was that not for my benefit?"

"I wanted to be there for you. I have told you that the reasons do not matter, only the actions themselves."

"And I told you that they matter to me!" Callen snapped. "I understand it was all for the greater good, but when you came back to America… were you going to try to find me?" He asked, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

"No." Garrison admitted truthfully, Callen turned to walk away, but Garrisons' hand on his shoulder stopped him. "Not because I didn't want to." he admitted, "There is not a day that I have not thought about you or your sister, there is not a day when I wish things had not been different." He turned to make sure he was looking his son in the eye. "In Russia, when we met. I could have not told you who I was. I could have lied, but I did not. I am proud to be your father, and proud to have you as a son. I did not mean to make you feel bad today, you asked to have dinner with me on Christmas Day, I assumed you meant in January; I am Russian Orthodox, this is when I celebrate Christmas and always have." He explained, "You know Russia, our ways and customs. I thought you knew this. I made the mistake and I apologize."

Callen saw the truth of Garrison's words and instantly felt remorseful.

"I thought you didn't want me." He whispered, feeling ashamed.

Garrison pulled his son into his arms and held him as Callen struggled a bit, his emotions warring with embarrassment. "I have always wanted you; you are my son, my second born. I loved your mother and your sister and you. I tried to keep tabs on you, I wanted to find you, but my enemies would get too close and you would be in danger. I did what I did to keep you safe. Things are different now, Amelia is no longer with us; I cannot make amends to her, but you and Alexandra are here. I will not be going back to Russia and I wish to try with you. I know you said you might never forgive me for the decisions I made. I made them with the best of intentions, to protect you and Amelia. I was wrong. I know this now. However, If you agree, I do not expect you to ever forgive me, but can we maybe start again. Make this next year a year to learn about each other, to become a family. A year that I give you my vow, to not let you down again, to become the father I always wanted to be, the father you deserve?"

Callen shook his head, "Don't promise that. Don't promise to not let me down, no one can keep that. But I would like to try… to be a family, I want to try with you and Alex and Nicky if you will all have me as a part of your family… please?"

He held his breath for a second and jumped as a second pair of arms grabbed him from behind and wrapped him in a hug, he looked down to see his nephew holding on.

"I love you uncle Grisha." Nicky said and held out a box he had brought out with him. "I saved for this." He smiled.

Callen crouched down to his nephews level, "You did, did you?" he smiled and took the gift.

"Open it!" Nicky grinned.

He looked at the box and took the wrapper off as Nicky grinned and Alex watched from her spot by the kitchen door.

"Number One Uncle?" Callen said as he read the words on the mug.

"I have one uncle and it's you, so you are my number one." Nicky smiled, "I always wanted an uncle and a grandfather, this year Santa gave me my wish."

Callen wanted to reply that there was no such thing, but found the words stuck in his throat, for years he had wanted a parent and family…

Maybe, just maybe there was a Santa after all.

So… this was Christmas… you know… maybe it was not quite so bad after all.

He took his nephew's hand and followed his father into the house full of warmth and love.


End file.
